Dakota’s Dilemma—Navigating Group Hangouts, Secret Setups & Dating Rules

Ever feel like boys are popping up everywhere, rules were made just to be bent, and your friends are living in a whole other galaxy? Yeah… we’re talking cute crushes, group hangouts, texting disasters, and figuring out what’s actually okay before your heart ends up in a knot.

Phones buzzing. Drama popping. Friends swooning. Rules everywhere. 

And Drama…it’s lurking. And somehow, your parents act like they have the rulebook for your heart.

Your friends are gossiping, your phone is blowing up with messages you probably shouldn’t be sending, and your heart… well, it’s doing somersaults.

Here’s the truth: boys are cute, drama is real, and boundaries? Total puzzle mode.

So how do you survive all the chaos—without losing your mind or your heart—and still honor your parents without turning into the outcast?

Today, we’re breaking it ALL down.

YUP—everything you need to know about respect, boundaries, and surviving the wild, wacky world of dating—with Scripture as your ultimate cheat sheet.

Hey friends, welcome back to FR, Let’s Talk! Today’s episode is inspired by a super thoughtful question from Dakota and her step-mom in Texas — and y’all, this one is a doozy.

Before we jump in — can I just say? DAKOTA/KAREN, I love that you guys are talking about this together. Like for real. The fact that you’re asking questions, seeking truth, and wanting to honor God in a world that screams the opposite — that’s rare. You’re BOTH already doing something SO powerful just by not ignoring the hard stuff.

NOW when I said a DOOZEY, I meant a DOOZEY!!

Girls, grab your coffee, snacks, or whatever’s in arm’s reach, because today we’re diving into something messy, juicy, and super real: hearts, boys, rules, and all the drama that comes with them.

You know the feeling — your phone buzzes, your friends are whispering about the boy everyone likes, and somehow your parents’ rules feel like a minefield.

Who can you trust? What’s actually okay? And how do you survive this teen chaos without losing your mind—or your heart?

Today, we’re unpacking it all… Bible-style, so you can navigate friendships, crushes, and boundaries like a pro.

And moms, this is for you too — because the way you guide, celebrate, and affirm your daughters can change everything.

SO LET’S GO!

Now, I know I already mentioned it, but I cannot skip over the fact that we’ve got 7 SUPER pointed questions, so we had better get started, Buckle up babes!! 

Question 1: What’s the right thing to do when Mom and Dad have different rules?

Okay, let’s be honest for a second: every girl notices when Mom and Dad aren’t totally on the same page. It’s like you have this little radar that beeps the second Mom says no but Dad says maybe, and suddenly your brain goes, ‘Aha! My moment!’ 

And I get it — it’s tempting, it’s human, and it’s natural to think you can negotiate your way into a yes. 

But here’s the truth: that little window? It’s actually a test of your character, not your cleverness. I’m gonna say that again sis. That little window is actually a test of your character, not your cleverness! 

You see, the Bible actually gives some really clear guidance on this. 

Ephesians 6:1 says, ‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.’ 

And Colossians 3:20 reminds us, ‘Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.’ 

The key word here is everything — both parents, not just the one you like better in the moment.

Now, I know it doesn’t feel fun when one parent says yes and the other says no, but Matthew 19:6 reminds us, ‘What God has joined together, let no man separate.’ That’s not just about marriage; it’s a reminder that when God brings people — or even parents — together in unity, He wants us to honor that unity. 

So, daughters, your move when Mom and Dad disagree? Don’t see it as an opportunity to “win” or sneak around. 

Instead, pray for unity, respect both boundaries, and trust that when your parents are aligned, it’s for your good. Like, seriously. Try to believe that. 

Now moms, this is for you too: you and your spouse are a cord of three strands — you, your spouse, and the Lord — and Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, ‘A cord of three strands is not easily broken.’ 

When you pray together about boundaries, you’re modeling unity and faithfulness. And 1 Corinthians 1:10 says, ‘I appeal to you… that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.’ 

When your daughter sees you two praying together, listening to God together, and coming to a shared decision, she feels safe, respected, and loved. 

Unity doesn’t just make parenting easier — it teaches her how to trust God’s timing and wisdom, even when it’s hard.

Question 1A: How does that relate to boys?

Alright, now let’s talk about the boys — because we all know that’s when things get really juicy. 

When Mom and Dad have slightly different rules and suddenly crushes, texts, and group hangouts enter the scene, it can feel like your brain is in a blender. 

But Proverbs 4:23 says, ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.’ 

Guarding your heart isn’t just a cute phrase for teenagers; it’s action. 

1 Thessalonians 4:3–5 tells us to live in holiness and self-control, reminding us that our hearts need protection from things we’re not ready for yet. 

And Psalm 119:105? 

‘Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.’ 

Let the Word guide your crushes, your texting habits, and your hangouts, not just the permission one parent might give you.

Daughters, here’s the truth: just because all your friends are obsessed with boys doesn’t mean you have to be, and your heart is a treasure God wants to protect. 

But moms — listen up, this is key — a lot of parents today unintentionally celebrate crushes or relationships with boys, and it can feel like they’re living vicariously through their daughters. 

That’s playing with fire, honestly. 

Instead, flip the script: celebrate the things your daughter should be investing in. 

Her gifts, her talents, her friendships, her creativity, and her faith. When you cheer her on in these areas, something amazing happens: you’re not just guiding your daughter, you’re actually giving her friends permission too. 

And because a lot of girls aren’t getting that at home, your influence becomes a ripple effect that changes the culture around her.

So yes, daughters, crushes are cute and fun, but don’t let them take over. 

Moms, keep celebrating kingdom things — her passions, her boundaries, her gifts. 

Proverbs 22:6 reminds us to train her in the way she should go, and Deuteronomy 6:6–7 tells us to impress God’s Word on our children in everything — at home, on the road, wherever life takes us. 

When she sees you honoring her heart and boundaries, she learns that God’s timing and wisdom matter more than any text, crush, or hangout.”

Question 2: “What do I do when my friends are focused on boys, and I like boys too, but I also don’t think that’s the only thing to focus on?”

Ahhh yes, this is the classic tween girl dilemma, isn’t it? 

You like boys — totally normal, your heart is doing the cute little butterflies thing — but suddenly your friends are acting like boys are the center of the universe, and you start feeling like you’re the weird one for not being obsessed. 

And let me tell you, girls, that feeling is real.

Daughters, here’s what the Bible says: Romans 12:2 reminds us, ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.’ 

That’s permission from God to think differently, even if everyone else is doing the opposite. 

Matthew 6:33 says, ‘Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.’ 

That means yes, crushes are fun, but growing your heart, your character, and your faith is priority number one. And Proverbs 3:5–6 encourages, ‘Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.’ 

Focus on what really matters, and the crushes will follow God’s timing — not your peer pressure.

Moms, listen closely: this is your chance to speak life into the things that truly matter. 

Again, celebrate her passions, her hobbies, her friendships, and her God-given talents. 

Ecclesiastes 3:12 reminds us, ‘There is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.’ 

Proverbs 31:26 adds, ‘She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.’ 

When you affirm your daughter in her gifts and kingdom-centered pursuits, something beautiful happens — her friends notice. 

Suddenly it’s cool to like more than boys. 

As I said before, your celebration isn’t just shaping your daughter; it’s influencing the culture around her. Let’s not miss that! 

So daughters… takeaway: enjoy the butterflies, but keep your eyes on God and your passions. 

Moms: champion her gifts and interests like they’re treasures, because guess what? They are.

And your voice will echo louder than any peer pressure.

Question 3: “I have a friend who starts liking the boys I like and then gets mad at me — what do I do?”

Ohhh girl, I feel you. 

This one cuts deep, doesn’t it?

Friendship drama, jealousy, and crushes all mixed together — it’s basically a storm waiting to happen. 

Daughters, here’s the truth: jealousy doesn’t come from the boys, it comes from insecurity! Ok, you know me too well, I’m going to say that one again — please do not miss this, sis!

JEALOUSY DOESN’T COME FROM THE BOYS, IT COMES FROM INSECURITY!

Her Insecurity.

And Philippians 2:3 tells us, ‘Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.’ 

So when a friend starts competing with you over a boy, it’s not about losing love; it’s about learning how to navigate relationships with humility and grace. 

James 1:19 says, ‘Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.’ 

And Proverbs 16:32 reminds us, ‘Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.’

So what do you do? 

Pray first. 

Ask God to help you handle the situation with love and wisdom. Then, talk honestly with your friend. 

Let her know you value the friendship more than a crush, and that rivalry isn’t worth losing what matters most.

Moms, this is your moment to coach, model, and encourage. 

As we’ve already visited today, Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, ‘Train up a child in the way she should go; even when she is old she will not depart from it.’ 

And yet again, Romans 12:18 adds, ‘If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.’ 

Walk her through how to respond, not react!

Show her how prayer and calm communication can keep friendships intact — and teach skills she’ll carry for life.

Takeaway: daughters, choose friendship over rivalry every single time. Moms, your calm, prayerful guidance gives her a roadmap for loving others, even when it’s messy.

Question 4: “I don’t feel like any of my friends have the same rules or values as me — it makes it really hard.”

Ok yes, the ‘I’m the only one’ feeling. 

Totally isolating, and I want you to know — it’s normal. 

Daughters, when your friends are operating differently, it can feel like you’re missing out or doing something wrong. 

But here’s a wake-up call from God: Galatians 1:10 asks, ‘Am I now trying to win the approval of people, or of God?’ 

Can I ask you something? Who’s approval really matters? 

Psalm 119:9 asks, ‘How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.’ 

And Romans 12:2 once again reminds us, ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world.’ 

Standing out is not only okay — it’s required if you want to walk faithfully with God.

Moms, this is your chance to celebrate courage. Deuteronomy 31:6 says, ‘Be strong and courageous…for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you.’ 

When you affirm her choices and values, you’re giving her permission to stand firm and be a light among her peers. 

You’re showing her that living according to God’s standards is something to be proud of — not embarrassed about.

So takeaway: daughters, fitting in fades, but standing firm lasts forever. 

Moms, your encouragement is the spark that keeps her shining in a world that sometimes dims Godly standards.

Question 5: “Why are rules different for my brothers?”

Well…the classic double-standard question. 

Totally normal to notice! 

Daughters, here’s what the Bible reminds us: Genesis 1:27 says, ‘Male and female he created them.’ Boys and girls are equal in value, but sometimes different in design. 

Proverbs 31:25 adds, ‘She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.’ 

And 1 Peter 3:7 talks about respecting differences — it’s not inequality, it’s honoring God’s unique design in each of us. 

Boundaries for you are not punishment; they’re protection.

Moms, this is your moment to explain lovingly. 

James 3:17 reminds us, ‘The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.’ Take time to show your daughter why the rules differ — and that it’s rooted in care and wisdom, not unfairness.

Takeaway: daughters, boundaries are about protection and growth, not punishment. 

Moms, clarity, love, and explanation turn confusion into understanding. 

I know this one sounds simpler than it is, but truly, it really should be THAT simple. 

Someone wise once told me, God’s rejection is actually protection. Daughter, your parent’s NO isn’t rejection. It’s most definitely not because they are out to get you or make your life miserable, it is literally out of protection and safety. PERIOD. HARD STOP.  I know that may not entirely make sense but sis, it really doesn’t have to. They don’t owe you an explanation - and your parents are the most trustworthy people in your corner right now. Pinky promise.

Alright…

Question 6: “What does the Bible say about dating? How old should I be?”

Alright, ladies — and yes, moms, I see you over there nodding — I know what you’re thinking: 

finally, someone tell me the magic age! We all want a number. ‘When is the right time?’ Maybe 15 feels perfect. Or maybe 16. 

But here’s the truth — the Bible doesn’t hand us a dating timeline with boxes to check and a calendar. Instead, it gives us principles to follow, and those principles are way more important than a number.

Let’s talk daughters first. Girl, I know you’re itching for a set age — and honestly, who wouldn’t be? But God cares more about who you are becoming than how many candles are on your birthday cake. 

1 Corinthians 13:11 says, ‘When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.’ Translation? 

It’s less about your age and more about your heart, your maturity, and your readiness to handle a relationship with wisdom and grace.

Proverbs 4:23 is also your best friend here: ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.’ That means asking yourself — am I looking to God to fill my heart, or am I looking for a boy to do it for me? 

Am I chasing approval or from Him or from my peers? 

Because the right relationship should lift you up, not pull you down.

And Psalm 119:105 reminds us, ‘Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.’ Let the Word of God guide your heart more than the hype of crushes or texting trends.

Now, moms, I see you — you’re sitting there thinking, okay, Kaase, I just need a number, give me 15 and call it a day! 

But hear me out — it’s really a case-by-case situation. It depends on your daughter’s spiritual walk, her emotional maturity, and her understanding of God’s plan for her. The right age for your daughter might look totally different than her best friend’s. 

And trust me, statistically speaking, the number of girls who marry their middle school or even high school crush? Slim to none. 

According to research, less than 2% of people actually marry their teenage sweetheart. So yes, we want an age that feels “right,” but let’s not put all the pressure there.

Moms, this is your moment to model patience and purpose. 

Psalm 127:4 says, ‘Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.’ Your daughter is a gift, and this season is about teaching her to be strong, confident, and rooted in God before she navigates romantic relationships. 

Celebrate her single season. Guide her toward friendships, character-building, and kingdom growth — and remind her that preparation now makes for a better future relationship later.

You’re going to have to be loud because her world and what her friends are telling her are even LOUDER. Be brave enough to speak life into singleness, seriously, she’s like 11. Can we just get a grip here? 

Mic drop: focus on the bigger questions: 

Is she seeking God’s approval or someone else’s validation? 

Does this potential relationship point her toward Christ? 

Is the guy showing godly leadership and respect, no matter his age? 

These are the questions that matter more than a number.

So daughter, let your spiritual growth, your character, and your gifts guide you more than your age. 

And mom, celebrate her growth in faith, affirm her boundaries, and model the kind of relationships she should be looking for — ones that reflect Christ, respect, and wisdom. 

That’s the heart of God’s timing for dating.

Takeaway? There’s no universal age for dating. 

There’s readiness, wisdom, and God-centeredness — and when those three line up, everything else falls into place. Pray together, talk honestly, and trust the process. 

And let’s be real, moms: this is one of those areas where saying ‘wait’ is actually a gift, not a punishment. 

It’s protecting her heart for something amazing God has ahead.

Question 7: “Why should or shouldn’t I date at this age (5th grade)?”

Daughters, the answer is simple but powerful: now is your season to grow, not to date. 

Now I know that’s easier said than done, so if you’re STILL WITH ME, CONGRATS. I know this is getting long, but I promise - hang with me, we’re almost done! 

Maybe go grab your coffee — so we can talk about something that feels super urgent when you’re 11, 12… 5th grade, even. 

Every single day, it feels like your friends are ALL about boys, crushes, and who’s texting who, right? 

You scroll through TikTok, you hear whispers at school, and it’s like the whole world is screaming, ‘Hurry up! Date now!’ I get it — it’s loud, and it’s tempting.

But daughters, let me just give it to you straight — this season? It’s not about dating. It’s about becoming. 

Again, pointing back to 1 Corinthians 13:11 that says, ‘When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.’ 

And Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, ‘There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.’ 

Girl, this is your time to explore, to grow, to fall in love with your gifts, your friendships, and most importantly, God. 

Proverbs 4:7 says, ‘Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.’ Wisdom now sets the tone for your future — including your future relationships.

Here’s the truth — going against the grain takes courage. Your friends might be all-in on boys, but you don’t have to follow. 

Being brave enough to step into your own season, to filter dating and crushes through a biblical lens, not a peer-pressure lens, is powerful. 

And girls, I can’t tell you how many kids I’ve seen sneak around, text, or even plan mini-dates just because their parents said no. 

Sneaking doesn’t make things fun — it puts your heart, your trust, and your relationships at risk. 

And moms, this is why we gently set those boundaries. This isn’t a hard, no-fun rule — it’s a gift. It’s protecting her heart so she can truly thrive in her season of growth.

Moms, this is your chance to celebrate the life she’s living right now. Pour life into her friendships, her talents, her faith, her joy. 

Help her see that the excitement and connection she craves doesn’t have to come from boys — it comes from growing into the woman God created her to be.

Daughters, when you embrace this season, you’re not missing out — you’re prepping for something incredible. 

You’re learning to love God first, value yourself, and set the tone for every relationship that comes after. 

Moms, when you affirm this season and celebrate her courage, you’re giving her a foundation that will carry her through the teen years with confidence and wisdom.

Sis, focus on becoming, not dating. Moms — be brave enough to to be countercultural!

Courage now shapes her future. And trust me — when you play this season well, dating later will be nothing but the cherry on top of the amazing woman God is creating.

Wowza! That’s all seven questions—and y’all, there is so much packed in there.

Daughters: stand your ground, guard that heart, chase after God first, and don’t let crush chaos or friend drama run the show.

Moms: keep modeling, celebrating, and praying for unity. Every little word and action now is planting seeds that will bloom for years to come.”

Here’s the challenge for today: daughters, pick one passion — a gift, a talent, or a Kingdom-focused interest — and invest in it this week with your full heart. 

Moms, pick one moment to celebrate that passion with her — and let her see your joy in it. Then watch what happens when both of you start championing the things that matter most. You’re not just surviving this season — you’re thriving together, grounded in God’s Word and in each other.

Crushes? Temporary. Drama? Messy. God’s love? Forever. So chill, choose truth, and let Him be the GPS for your heart!