When He’s Hot, But Your Boundaries Are Holier (TEEN Girl Talk)

Hey, hey! I am so glad you are here. If this is your first time joining us, what is up?

I am so legit glad youʼre here today.

And can I be super transparent. 

You are about to join us for a super hot and heavy convo on all things boyfriends.

So, if this is your first time, all the yayʼs youʼre here! Itʼs gonna be uber intense.

Now, I need to derail here for one quick moment and say…If you listened to last week’s episode made especially for our tween girls, this one is super similar—but we’re taking it just a step further for our teen girls.

So if you’re a younger listener or a mama tuning in with your daughter, just a heads-up: we’ll be talking a bit more about physical boundaries in relationships and what it looks like to respect yourself and honor God in those moments. Nothing graphic, but definitely more of a big sister heart-to-heart.

Now, if you havenʼt already, hit pause, grab your favorite drink and get comfy - because today we’re diving into some real specific stuff about dating. 

And…not the fluff, not the cute TikTok moments, but the real pressure, the feelings, and especially the physical stuff no one always talks about — you know, the part that feels heavy but everyone’s kind of pretending isn’t.

Whether you’re in a relationship or single, thinking about dating or just trying to figure out who you are in the middle of all this chaos, this conversation is for you.

Alright, so let’s start here.

Dating in high school is way more complicated than just holding hands at a football game.

There’s texting 24/7, Snapchat streaks, late-night DMs, and yeah... a TON of pressure to be physically close, even if your heart isn’t ready.

But before you even think about dating, or before you say yes to being someone’s girlfriend, you need to ask yourself a big question:

Who am I, really?

And, What do I want—not what I think he wants?

This is where knowing yourself becomes your superpower.

Imagine you’re about to go on a road trip. Would you hop into a car without knowing where you’re going? Of course not. You’d want a map, a destination, maybe some snacks, right?

Dating without knowing yourself first? That’s like getting in the car with no idea where the road leads. And the road can get bumpy.

Because, trust me, being someone’s girlfriend isn’t about checking a box or filling a space.

It’s about being a partner—someone who brings your own light and strength to a relationship.

Letʼs unpack this a little bit more, ok?

If you don’t know what your own values are, you’ll end up adopting someone else’s by default.

And that is a fast-track to heartbreak, confusion, and slowly losing pieces of yourself just to keep a guy interested.

Galatians 1:10 says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

That verse is like a gut check. If your whole identity is shaped around being "wanted" by someone else, it’s gonna be real hard to stay centered when that person starts pulling you in a direction that doesn’t align with who God says you are.

So instead of just asking, “Do they like me?”

Try flipping it and asking, “Do I even like the person I’m becoming when I’m around them?”

Because listen—being someone’s girlfriend isn’t an achievement.It’s not a sticker you wear on your forehead that makes you more valuable.It’s not a shortcut to confidence.

It’s a partnership.

And if you want that relationship to be real, healthy, and godly, you have to bring your whole self to the table. Not a watered-down version of you that just mirrors what you think they want.

That’s why knowing your values matters so much.

Like, do you believe physical boundaries are important?

Do you value honesty, loyalty, faith, purpose?

Are you looking for someone who shares your spiritual goals, or are you just settling because they’re cute and gave you butterflies in 4th period?

2 Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

It’s not about being judgmental—it’s about alignment.

Are you walking the same direction, or are you constantly trying to drag someone along who isn’t on your same page?

Imagine two people on a hike. One wants to climb the mountain. The other wants to chill at the bottom and take selfies. That’s gonna get frustrating fast. You need someone who will walk with you, not weigh you down.

So before you say yes to being someone’s girlfriend, ask yourself:

• Do I feel like I can be fully me with this person?

• Do they push me closer to God or pull me further away?

• Do I feel safe, seen, and spiritually supported?

• Do they know how to respect my boundaries?

But I want to add one more thing here—something that gets overlooked way too often. It’s the word discernment.

And I know, that might sound like a super churchy or grown-up word, but girl, it’s a game-changer.

Discernment is a spiritual discipline—it’s the ability to pause, pray, and wisely choose what’s right before things get messy.

Think of it like spiritual intuition that’s rooted in God’s Word and the Holy Spirit guiding you, not your feelings or peer pressure.

Hebrews 5:14 says, “But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

That’s discernment. It’s about training your heart and mind to tell the difference between what feels good and what actually is good.

Like, when that guy is texting you super sweet things, or you’re feeling butterflies just because someone finally noticed you—discernment helps you pause and ask, “God, is this from You or just a distraction from You?”

Here’s a practical way to think about it:

Before making a choice in dating—saying yes to a date, texting late, crossing physical boundaries—take a breath and pray, “Holy Spirit, help me see this clearly. Not through my feelings, but through Your wisdom.”

Discernment lets you zoom out from the moment and ask bigger questions:

• “Does this help me grow in who I’m becoming?”

• “Would I be proud to tell my future self I said yes to this?”

• “Is this person helping me hear God’s voice, or are they drowning it out?”

Discernment doesn’t mean you’ll never be tempted or confused. It just means you’ll have a spiritual compass even in the middle of all that. And that compass? It keeps you steady when emotions feel like waves crashing.

So don’t rush into being a +1. Use discernment to decide who gets close enough to even walk beside you.

Because wisdom isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about knowing when to pause and ask the right questions.

If you can’t say yes to those questions… they might not be the right fit. And that’s okay. Saying “no” to the wrong thing is sometimes the most powerful “yes” you can give to your future.

And let’s not forget—your relationship with God is your first love story.

When you root your identity in Him first, you’ll stop chasing validation in all the wrong places. You’ll be able to spot red flags faster, walk away with less drama, and attract the kind of guy who sees your strength—not just your smile.

So start there:

Get clear on who you are, what you value, and where you're headed.

Then ask God to bring someone who fits that—not someone who asks you to shrink just to fit their life.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

He’s not just guiding your spiritual life—He wants to guide your love life, too. You just have to invite Him into the conversation.

Now, let’s talk about the physical side, because I know it’s heavy. You might hear whispers in the halls, or texts from a guy saying, “Come on, it’s just a little thing.” Or maybe you feel like everyone else is doing it, and you don’t want to be left behind.

The pressure to be physically close to someone... it’s intense. 

I mean, seriously intense. 

Maybe it’s a text late at night that feels like it means more than it should. Or a party where things start to get a little... blurry. Maybe a boyfriend—or someone you really like—is pushing for something you’re just not sure you’re ready for.

I want you to know: I get it. 

This pressure? It’s real. 

And it’s okay to feel tempted. 

You’re human. 

And honestly, some guys? 

They’re just really cute! (Let’s be real.) 

But here’s the thing—and I just canʼt help but say it again…every time you say yes to physical intimacy, you’re not just making a momentary choice. 

You’re building a connection that will stick with you, like it or not. FOREVER. 

Think about this with me for a second: imagine that every yes is like picking up a suitcase. At first, it might seem light—like, “It’s just a thing, right?” 

But then you start adding memories, feelings, maybe regrets, maybe joy. 

Here’s the truth: every time you say yes to physical intimacy, you’re not just making a tiny decision. 

You’re picking up an emotional suitcase. 

And it’s not like a carry-on bag—you can’t just drop it off at the airport and forget about it. 

You carry that suitcase with you, through every relationship and every step of your life.

You carry it everywhere. 

Again babe, you can’t just set the suitcase down and walk away. Trust me. I have been there. 

And here is the real tea on all of this: This is exactly what 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 is talking about when it says, “Flee from sexual immorality... your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.” 

Your body is so much more than skin and bones—it’s a sacred space, and every yes is like placing more stuff in that suitcase.

Alright, let me tell you another story, because letʼs be honest, Jesus always told stories, didnʼt he? Plus, stories make everything come to life, donʼt they? 

Ok…  so a few years ago, a girl I know—let’s call her Marissa—started dating a guy she really liked. 

They were careful for a while, actually a long while, because they both had biblical and faith-base convictions, right? GOLD STAR MARISSA…

But eventually, the pressure at school and from friends started to wear her down. It wore him down, too. Together, they were both wearing thin.

Can I be honest, this is a dangerous place to be, but a VERY REAL place to be also. Even our church friends can be prominent loud voices when we start dating someone and things start to get serious! 

Anyway, one night, she gave in to something she wasn’t ready for because she thought, “This is what being loved feels like, right?”

But the next day, Marissa felt this heavy weigh that she just couldn’t explain. 

Surprise surprise, it was like dragging around this suitcase filled with emotions she didn’t know how to unpack. 

She realized that no matter what happened after, that yes had changed her story. 

It wasn’t just physical—it was emotional, spiritual, and honestly, it made trusting people harder later on.

And guess what? 

Marissa isn’t alone. 

The Bible is full of wisdom for us in moments like that.

Letʼs take a quick look at what the Bible has to say about it all. If you have your bibles, turn with me to Hebrews 13:4. 

Hebrews 13:4 reminds us, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” 

Now, I know that sounds like a verse for grown-ups, but here’s the thing—it’s about honoring the sacredness of intimacy. 

It’s not just about rules or “being old-fashioned.” 

It’s about protecting something beautiful and powerful—your heart, your future, your peace.

You see, dating isn’t just something you do to someone. 

It’s about who you are becoming. 

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” 

That means you don’t have to copy what everyone else is doing just to fit in or feel like you belong.

Let’s be honest—sometimes it feels like everyone around you is doing the thing, right? 

Maybe your friends are texting late, or posting pictures with their “boyfriends,” or sharing stories about “how far” they’ve gone. And it’s easy to wonder, “Am I missing out? Is something wrong with me because I’m not there yet?”

You know what? Not dating right now doesn’t mean you’re behind—it actually means you’re ahead in ways most people don’t even realize.

You’re not missing out. 

You’re doing the slow, steady work of becoming the kind of woman who doesn’t just fall for chemistry, but who chooses character. 

You’re not rushing to be someone’s girlfriend—you’re learning how to be whole on your own. 

That’s powerful.

So the next time someone says, “Wait, youʼre not dating right now? You donʼt have a boyfriend…why not?—you can just smile and say,

“Nah. I’m not interested in wasting time on someone who can’t meet me where I’m going.”

Because you’re not just becoming someone’s +1.

You’re becoming a woman of strength, depth, and vision.

Someone who knows that love should add to your life—not make you shrink to fit into someone else’s.

You’re not waiting because you're afraid.

You're waiting because you know what you're worth.

Now, I know weʼve sort of traipsed into the territory of physical boundaries, but Iʼm done traipsing, babe. 

NOW, weʼre going to crack all the eggshells weʼre trying to tiptoe around. You ready? 

It is super important that we get real about boundaries because letʼs be honest -  that’s where things get tricky. 

Boundaries aren’t about being “prude” or “mean.” 

They’re actually entirely about respect. 

Largely, self-respect.

Respect for yourself, your body, your feelings, and your future.

Imagine boundaries like the fence around a beautiful garden. Ok?

The garden is your heart, your body, your mind. 

And the fence?

The fence keeps out the things that would trample your flowers—like pressure, confusion, or people who don’t have your best interests at heart.

The truth is, this is where so many of us get tripped up. 

You might start out saying, “I’m gonna take things slow,” and then boom—he starts calling you beautiful, sending late-night texts, brushing your hair out of your face in the hallway… and your heart’s racing, your brain’s fuzzy, and suddenly your boundaries start getting blurry.

So let’s be super clear: Boundaries are not rules to ruin the fun.

They are lines of love.

They’re about respect—and not just respect for the other person, but respect for you.

Let’s start with 1 Corinthians 6:19-20: Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

Girl, your body is not just “yours to do whatever you want with.”

It was created by God and paid for by the blood of Jesus. 

That’s next-level value. 

That’s sacred. 

That’s not “just a body”—that’s a temple.

So when you set boundaries, you’re not being dramatic. You’re not overthinking.

You’re honoring the most valuable thing you’ve been given—you.

Now let’s talk about what happens when we don’t have boundaries.

You start out wanting to feel loved, noticed, or chosen.

But without boundaries, you end up feeling used, confused, or anxious.

Proverbs 25:28 says: “Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”

You ever seen a city without walls? Anything can get in. That’s what it’s like when you don’t have clear boundaries—anyone can walk into your life, take what they want, and leave a mess behind.

But guess what? When you set boundaries, you’re building walls of wisdom. You’re saying:

• “I respect my time.”

• “I’m not going to stay up all night texting someone who’s playing games.”

• “I respect my body, so I’m not going to cross physical lines that cheapen something sacred.”

• “I respect my emotions, so I’m not giving my heart away to someone who hasn’t earned my trust.”

Let’s get even more real.

You might be in a relationship—or talking to someone—and things are starting to get physical. 

And maybe it feels exciting. You feel close. It feels like he really cares.

But here's the truth: Physical closeness does not equal emotional security.

Song of Songs 8:4 says:“Do not awaken love before its time.”

Why?

Because love—real love—is powerful.

It’s fire. It’s beautiful in the right context (marriage).

But outside of that? It can burn. It can leave scars.

So when you cross boundaries too soon—especially physical ones—you’re binding your soul to someone who might not be sticking around.

And those ties? They don’t go away when the relationship ends.

Every “yes” you say to someone physically is like adding a suitcase to your soul. Right?

So when the relationship ends, you're still carrying him—his voice, his touch, his influence—into your future.

That’s why boundaries = freedom.

It’s not about saying no to love—it’s about saying yes to lasting love.

So how do you actually set those boundaries?

Start with God. Pray this honestly:

“God, help me honor You in my relationships. Show me what boundaries I need to stay healthy—spiritually, emotionally, and physically.”

Then, get clear with yourself:

• What are you okay with?

  
  

• What crosses the line?

  
  

• What’s your exit plan if things go too far?

  
  

And don’t just keep it in your head—communicate it clearly.

If a guy pushes your boundaries, that’s not love. That’s manipulation.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says real love “does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking.”

So if he’s pressuring you, that’s not love—that’s lust. That’s selfishness. And you deserve better.

Final truth bomb?

You are not “too dramatic” for wanting to wait.You are not “too intense” for setting high standards.You are not “too good” for turning down what doesn’t honor your heart and your future.

You are wise.

And the girl who walks in wisdom? She's not just respected—she's protected.

Proverbs 4:23 says it best: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

So guard it—not by building walls to keep love out, but by setting boundaries that invite the right kind of love in.

You are worth more than the bare minimum.You're not here to be someone’s experiment.

You're here to be a woman of purpose, with a heart protected by God and a love story worth waiting for.

Ok, letʼs circle back with a story.

I remember hearing about a girl named Sarah who had a boyfriend who kept texting her past midnight, trying to get her to send pictures or meet up alone. 

At first, she felt bad saying no. Like maybe she was being difficult or that he’d like her less. Or worse, spread rumors about how “goody goody” she was - and of course, she didnʼt need that!

But Sarah started to remind herself of Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

So she told him honestly, “I’m not comfortable texting late at night or doing things that don’t respect me.” 

And you know what? 

Some guys will push back or try to make you feel guilty—but the right guy respects your fence. 

He values the garden. 

And if he doesn’t? 

Then he’s not worth your suitcase.

Maybe you’re thinking, “But what if I’ve already said yes to something I regret?” 

I want you to hear this loud and clear: grace is real.

God’s forgiveness isn’t just for the people who never mess up. 

It’s for you, for me, for all of us.

1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” You’re not stuck carrying those suitcases alone. You can unpack them, heal, and move forward with a fresh start.

So, what does dating with depth look like? 

It’s not about rushing. 

It’s not about collecting “likes” or validation. 

It’s about walking confidently in who God made you to be—a girl who sets boundaries, who values herself, and who waits for something real.

You don’t have to shrink yourself to fit someone else’s expectations. 

You don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. 

Instead, you get to say yes to becoming a woman full of joy, peace, and confidence.

Before we wrap up, I want to leave you with something to think about this week:

When you feel pressured or tempted, remember the suitcase. Ask yourself, “Is this something I want to carry around for the rest of my life?”

And then remind yourself of Romans 12:2—you don’t have to follow the crowd. You get to be transformed. You get to be the girl who’s loved deeply, starting with loving yourself.

Alright, friends, that’s all for today’s heart-to-heart. I’m so proud of you for listening, for thinking, and for being brave enough to say, “I’m worth more.” You are loved beyond measure, and I can’t wait to see who you become.

Catch you next time.

Until then, keep your heart safe, keep your head up, and remember—you’re amazing just as you are.