Do I Need a Boyfriend?! Crushes, Confidence & Guarding Your Heart (Tween Girl Talk)

Hey hey, my beautiful girls! Welcome back to the podcast! If you’re new here—girl, I am SO glad you found us. You belong here, and today’s episode is gonna be a juicy one.

Okay. We need to talk. 

Like, really talk. 

Because I know that a whole lot of you are starting to feel... stuff. 

And by stuff, I mean crushes. 

Maybe there's a boy in your class who smells really good (what is that cologne?!), or maybe you’re giggling when he says something funny even if it’s not actually that funny.

Yeah, I see you. 

Or maybe you're like, “Wait, should I have a crush? 

All my friends are talking about their boyfriends, and I’m just sitting here trying to survive math class.”

So today, we’re gonna sip our metaphorical iced lattes, kick our feet up, and chat all about:

• What to do with these feelings that seem to come outta nowhere 

• How to protect your confidence and your heart

• And why you don’t need a boyfriend right now to be amazing 

Sound good? Alright—let’s get into it.

Segment 1: “OMG, I Think I Like Him…”

Okay, let me ask you this. 

Have you ever had a crush and immediately regretted telling someone? 

Like maybe you told your friend during lunch, and by 4th period, every single person in your group chat is sending you heart emojis with that guy’s name?

Yeah... been there. 

Crushes are totally normal. 

In fact, God designed your heart with emotions, and those little butterflies?

They don’t mean you’re weird or dramatic. 

They just mean… you're human.

But here’s the thing—we gotta be wise with what we do with those feelings. 

Because feelings are real, but they’re not always reliable.

Let’s look at Proverbs 4:23: "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

Ugh, what?

Okay,  letʼs break this down.

“Guarding your heart." 

To me this sounds super “churchy…” and if youʼve been around the church for any period of time, you’ve probably heard people say this before. And maybe you're like, “Cool… but seriously, what does that mean? And do I need, like, a moat around my emotions now?!”

All great questions. 

Letʼs think of your heart like this super beautiful, sparkly treasure box. 

Not the kind you find in a pirate movie—but the kind that's locked up with gold trim, lined with velvet, and full of your most precious stuff: your dreams, your thoughts, your hopes, your feelings, and all the pieces that make you you.

And here's the thing: not everyone deserves a key to that box.

Some people might seem nice at first—but then they:

• Laugh when you open up

• Share your secrets without asking

• Treat your feelings like they’re not a big deal

• Or they might only care about your heart when it benefits them.

And you know what? That hurts. 

That’s like letting someone borrow your favorite sweatshirt and they return it covered in ketchup stains and glitter glue. 

Like—no thank you.

So when the Bible says in Proverbs 4:23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it,” it’s not saying “Be cold” or “Don’t ever catch feelings” or “Hide your emotions forever.”

It’s saying this:

Be careful who you open your treasure box for.

Ask, “Can I trust this person with my feelings? Do they treat my heart with care? Do they love me the way God says love is supposed to be?”

And guarding your heart doesn’t mean you build a big brick wall around it and never talk to anyone ever again. Nope. It means you:

• Choose who gets close

• Pay attention to how people treat you

• Listen to God's voice before you follow your feelings

Discernment—Your Secret Superpower

Now let’s talk about something that goes hand in hand with guarding your heart. It’s called discernment. Say it with me: dis-cern-ment.

That might sound like a big, churchy word—but girl, it’s actually one of your most powerful tools. Discernment is the spiritual discipline of learning to tell the difference between what’s good for you and what’s not—based on what God says, not just what feels right in the moment.

It’s like having a Holy Spirit-powered filter that helps you pause and ask:

• Is this choice wise or just exciting?

• Does this friend bring me closer to God—or distract me from who He’s calling me to be?

• Does this crush make me feel seen and valued, or just confused and anxious?

Hebrews 5:14 says, “But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.”

Whew. Okay. That verse is saying: as we grow in our faith, we train our hearts and minds to get better at recognizing what’s really good—not just what seems good.

Discernment is something you practice over time. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being aware. It's about learning to slow down, pray, and ask God for guidance before diving into your feelings or acting on impulse.

Here’s a quick Discernment Check-In you can do when you catch feelings:

1. Pray First.

   
   

   Ask God: “Lord, help me see this clearly. Is this person or situation honoring You? Is it good for my heart?”

   
   

   James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God... and it will be given to him.”

   
   

2. Look at the Fruit.

   
   

   In Matthew 7:16, Jesus says, “You will know them by their fruits.”

   
   

   In other words, look at the results. Does this friendship, crush, or convo lead to peace, joy, kindness, and self-control? Or does it lead to drama, stress, jealousy, or confusion?

   
   

3. Get Wise Counsel.

   
   

   Talk to a trusted adult who loves Jesus—a parent, youth leader, or mentor. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”

   
   

Discernment helps you guard your heart with wisdom instead of fear. It’s like choosing a lock screen passcode only you and God know—and not giving that code away just because someone made you laugh in math class.

Girl, God gave you discernment not to hold you back—but to protect the amazing, radiant, growing-you that He is shaping.

So when those butterflies come flying in or someone says, “You should totally DM him!!” take a pause and ask yourself:

“Is this aligned with who God says I’m becoming?”“Is this helping or hurting my growth in Christ?”

And if it’s not clear—wait on it. That’s discernment, baby.

It’s kind of like choosing who gets your phone number. 

You don’t just pass that out to every random stranger on the street, right? 

You decide based on trust, connection, and how safe you feel.

Your heart deserves the same kind of protection. Actually, it deserves even more.

So the next time you start crushing, or you feel tempted to spill your feelings to anyone who’ll listen, ask yourself this:

“Is this someone who will guard my heart with me, or someone who might just play around with it?”

And if it’s the second one? Girl, it’s okay to keep that treasure box locked.

Because guess what? 

Guarding your heart doesn’t make you weird or dramatic—it makes you wise. 

And wise girls? They grow into strong women who don’t settle for halfway love. They wait for the real thing.

Alright, so here is a Real-Life Moment to help us fully unpack this “guarding our heart” thing…

Let’s say you like this boy named Ethan (no offense to the Ethans out there 😅). You tell your friend Maya, “I think Ethan’s kinda cute.” The next day, Maya has told Bella, who told Jada, who told literally everyone. Now the whole lunch table is giggling when Ethan walks by, and you're trying to disappear into your hoodie.

Now you’re embarrassed and maybe hurt because Maya wasn’t supposed to share that. So what do you do?

Here’s the move: You breathe. You don’t freak out. You forgive Maya, but you also learn from it.

It’s okay to say, “Hey, I trusted you with something personal and it hurt when it got around.” That’s not drama, that’s maturity.

Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times.”And real friends? They don’t gossip about your heart—they protect it.

Segment 2: You’re Not a Side Character

Okay, let me just tell you this right now:

You don’t need a boyfriend to feel special, cute, or confident.

Let me say it louder for the girls in the back:

Your worth does NOT depend on if someone likes you back!!!!!

Let’s read this beautiful truth in Psalm 139:14: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Do you hear that? 

You’re not average. 

You’re not "meh." 

You are wonderfully made—on purpose, with purpose.

Now, this feels like a SUPER deep concept to me that requires we go a little bit deeper. 

Okay, lean in close, sis. This part is super important! And I know some of you are like, “Yeah yeah, I know that!”

But do you, really?

Like, really, really? 

Because it’s one thing to say it. It’s another thing to live like you believe it.

So letʼs dive into another real-life moment, can we? 

Let’s say there’s this boy in your class. He’s funny. He’s cute. He’s good at soccer. He kinda smells like Axe body spray but you don’t mind. 

You notice he smiles at you one day in the hallway and you’re like: "OH MY GOSH. He likes me.”

You start dressing a little cuter. 

Fixing your hair differently. 

Laughing extra hard at his jokes—even when they’re not funny.

You tell your friends, you dream about what your names would look like together in your Notes app, and suddenly… your WHOLE vibe starts to revolve around this one boy.

But then?

He starts texting another girl.

Or says, “Nah, I just see you as a friend.”

And just like that… you feel crushed. 

Unseen. 

Not good enough. 

Like you were so close to being something special and now… you’re back to square one.

That feeling? 

It’s so real. But you know what? It’s also not true.

Your special-ness didn’t disappear when he changed his mind.

Your cuteness didn’t vanish because he started liking someone else.

Your confidence doesn’t have to live or die based on a 12-year-old boy who hasn’t figured himself out either.

Let’s Get Real:

Sometimes we give people the power to tell us who we are… and those people don’t even know who they are yet.

Girl, he’s still learning how to do laundry. He is not qualified to decide your value.

And here’s what the Bible says—the truth we hang on to when our feelings get messy.

Isaiah 43:4 says:“You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.”

Do you hear that? Precious. Honored. Loved.

Not because someone likes your Instagram post.

Not because a boy picks you in P.E.

But because God already said it’s true.

So what if—hear me out—you lived like that truth was enough?

What if you didn’t need a boyfriend to tell you you’re beautiful… because you already knew you were made in the image of a God who doesn’t make mistakes? 

What if you didn’t let your mood depend on a text notification… but instead on what God says about you every single day?

You'd walk taller. 

Smile easier.

Not because a boy saw something in you—But because you finally saw it in yourself.

So let me challenge you to do something bold this week.

Your Girl Power Challenge:

I want you to write down three things you love about yourself that have nothing to do with looks or boys. For example:

• “I’m actually a boss at helping my little sister when she’s upset.”

• “I make my friends laugh when they’re stressed.”

• “I stand up for people who get picked on.”

Those are the things that make you magnetic. 

Keep that list somewhere special, and when you start to feel like you're not “enough,” go read it out loud like an anthem. 

Alright…Segment 3: “But Everyone Has a Boyfriend…”

Ugh. The group chat is poppin’ with screenshots of texts from boys. 

TikToks with matching hoodies. 

Cute couple filters. 

And you’re sitting there like, “Okay… and I just organized my squishmallow collection.”

First of all—proud of you. 

Second, listen to me: Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you have to.

Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

You know what that means? You don’t have to copy what everyone else is doing just to feel like you belong. You were made to stand out.

A lot of those relationships you see online? 

They’re more about vibes than values. 

It’s okay to want something real and to wait for it.

So next time someone says, “Wait, you don’t have a boyfriend??”

You say, “Nope. I’m working on becoming someone amazing before I start dating someone else.” 

Now, letʼs stretch this moment out for a hot minute, can we? 

I want to make this super real, relatable and empowering so you can see a real-life scenario play out to help you see what it looks like to live out Romans 12:2 in your real life, every day, middle school world. 

Truth is, the pressure to be liked, to have a boyfriend, to fit into what’s “normal” right now? It’s so real—and SO hard, especially when youʼre just trying to figure out who the HECK you are!

Alright sis, this all goes back to: You were made to stand out, not blend in! 

Let’s take a second to breathe in Romans 12:2:"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

Okay, pause. What does that really mean?

It means: you don’t have to act, dress, text, post, or date like everyone else just to feel like you belong. It means: you were never meant to blend in. You were made to stand out—in the most beautiful, strong, God-designed way possible.

But let’s be honest… standing out can feel awkward, especially when it seems like everyone around you is pairing up, flirting over Snap, texting behind teachers' backs, or claiming their “relationship” of two weeks is “serious.” 

Real-Life Story:

Let’s say your friend group is suddenly obsessed with talking about boys. Like, all the time.

• “Did he look at me during science?”

• “Should I DM him or wait for him to message me first?”

• “He liked my TikTok—do you think that means something?”

And then it gets personal. You’re sitting at lunch and one of the girls turns to you and goes,

“Wait... you don’t have a boyfriend??”

Suddenly, the table gets quiet. You feel their eyes on you like you’re some sort of alien.

You laugh it off and say, “No, not yet,” but inside you’re thinking:

“Should I have one? What’s wrong with me? Am I just not cute enough?”

And that’s where it starts. You change the way you dress. You start acting like you don’t care about your grades because he doesn’t. You laugh at jokes that aren't even funny just to seem “chill.”You stop being you... and start becoming who you think he wants.

But here’s the truth: That version of you? The one who’s changing just to be liked? She’s not the real you. She’s a costume.

And girl, you were not born to live in costume.

A Better Response

So what do you say when someone throws shade or makes you feel like you're "behind" for not having a boyfriend?

You take a deep breath, smile, and say:

“Nope. I’m working on becoming someone amazing before I start dating someone else.”

Because that’s what Romans 12:2 is all about.

It’s about renewing your mind—training your brain to stop believing the lies like:

• “I’m only valuable if someone likes me.”

  
  

• “I’m not complete until I have a boyfriend.”

  
  

• “I need to be like them to be accepted.”

  
  

And instead replacing those thoughts with truth:

• “I’m already valuable because God says I am.”

  
  

• “I’m complete because Jesus makes me whole.”

  
  

• “I was made to lead, not follow.”

  
  

The Real Glow-Up

You want to know what confidence really looks like?

It’s walking into school knowing that you’re becoming:

• A girl who knows what she stands for.

  
  

• A girl who respects herself enough not to settle for shallow attention.

  
  

• A girl who can wait for something real, not rush into something fake.

  
  

And guess what? When you do that—you shine.

You shine in a way that no outfit, no flirty text, and no middle school relationship can ever compete with.

Let’s Flip the Script

Here’s a challenge for this week:

Next time you’re tempted to change who you are to fit in—pause.Say to yourself:

“God didn’t create me to be a copy. I’m the original.”

Write it on a sticky note. Put it on your mirror.Say it until you believe it.Say it until you live it.

Because you? 

You’re becoming someone incredible.

And when the time comes to date—it’s gonna be worth the wait.

Pinky Promise. 

Ok, letʼs wrap this up with a big, fluffy pink bow!

You’re Already Becoming!

Here’s what I want you to take away today, sweet girl:

• It’s okay to like boys. It’s normal. But it’s not your whole story.

  
  

• You’re already becoming someone strong, kind, and beautiful.

  
  

• You don’t have to rush love. You’re growing into it.

So this week, I want you to:

1. Think about the kind of girl you want to be. Not just what she wears, but what she believes and how she treats people.

   
   

2. Guard your heart. Not with walls, but with wisdom.

   
   

3. Remind yourself daily that you are loved, chosen, and made for more.

   
   

You don’t need a boyfriend right now to be amazing. You already are.

Alright girls, I love you SO much. 

Hey, be bold. Be kind. 

And drink all the iced coffee your mom will let you have. 

I’ll see you back here next week for our teen girl version of this convo—trust me, it’s gonna get real.

So all my TEEN girls, yea, all you 13-18 YEAR OLDS, HOLLA!

You do NOT want to miss next week, FR!